A 3rd 'person' view of me...

She's scared of the lizard. Again. 

I know she is not the sort to scare easy, but lizards somehow get to her. Horror stories, horror movies - those she gobbles up. She's a Poe fan; she still keeps his books on her bedside table. She doesn't read them as often now, but she holds on to them. Relics from her childhood - the memory of a story perhaps... or a feeling. Oh, she's full of feelings, this one.

Laughter. Her sense of humor is dark but she has an easy smile - one that she offers up readily and with no hesitation. I've heard everyone tell her this. And a deep voice that feels incongruous in such a small frame. Her friends get to hear her laugh and often say it sounds like a donkey braying. It's definitely not pretty. Only those who love her get to hear her truly chortle with laughter. I've heard it and it's... interesting. It goes on and on like an ECG machine spilling out its graphs: troughing when she's out of breath, cresting when she is reminded of whatever it was that tickled her. Endless.

Labor. I know she loves her work and works hard at whatever she does. I sense that it is important to her - gaining respect and being known for what she does. She'll spend hours if she has a tricky problem to solve and that is the part that bores me the most. Loss. Like all of us here on this blue dot, she is defined by loss. I see it in her eyes when she thinks no one is watching, staring into her favorite whiskey. Reading connects her to the universe - similar griefs, same tribulations. Reading reminds her of the loves she lost and writing brings them back. And so it goes on and on. 

Love sustains her. Her partner of 19 years is the source of her energies, her confidante, her partner in crime. Her relationships with her mother, her sisters, her friends clearly mean a lot to her. I like hearing her talk to the maid, the gardener - she is funny. Well, at least she tries to elicit a chuckle. I can't chuckle too much since it is out of character for me. So I remain stoic. 

She loves the sea; hates the rains.

She loves eating; will do anything to not-cook.

She loves partying; but will not stay out beyond 12 am.

She loves reading. If anyone disturbs her, she turns feral (I seen it).

She loves samosas, hates mangoes. Yes, I almost abandoned her at this point. 

She loves snakes and hates lizards. 

She's a weird thing but I guess it is alright for now. For me, this is a temporary thing and she is good company; so I guess I will have to make do. I do wish she were a bit less 'shouty' about lizards. I know she is not afraid of ghosts though. One stormy night, I looked in on her to check if she was okay. And I could have sworn she saw me and smiled. 

The sprite and I and I

Villainiya ‏@DushtaStree  23h23 hours ago
A story in 24 tweets. Storified here.

Let me tell you a true story. Of something that never happened...
... Of someone who never was.
Of things that should have been said
So often we deem people guilty of what they've done. And what, pray tell, of the times that they should have done something?
What, of this, this shadow of guilt? What of this... photo negative,... if you will?

One moonlit night, in the forest where I live, on my usual walk, I came upon this sprite. He was up to some fun.
He said to me, he was happy & he'd grant me a boon. If I so chose, I could live two lives, he said. Two parallel lives; one condition.
On that night, I would split into two selves. One self would live my life the way I would. The other would do everything, take every risk.
His only condition, was that at the end of the road, we'd meet, the two selves. And one would have to kill the other.
I agreed. Nothing to lose. I start with one self. I end with one. The journey seemed like an adventure
And so I split. And two lives were lived. It's difficult to explain a parallel existence. So I spare you the details.

And there we were, in the same clearing, a moonlit night this was too. Face to face. The same people, different lives
Oh. But are these? Are these the same people? One of us was smiling, laugh lines around the eyes. The other had a mouth downturned.
The one who took all the risks said, Oh sister, what a ride that was! How have you been?!
The other me was aghast. Did you not lose your loved ones? Were you not betrayed? Are you not angry, my sister?
To which she replied, Oh yes I did. But I've also loved, and been loved. And I have broken hearts too. All my mistakes were my own!
And I have learned. To tell people I love them when I do. And not say that when I don't. To say the right thing though it was hard to do.
And here I am now. Tired, but happy. Heart taped over a million times, but full of love.

The other me cried out. In frustration and anger. You see, she (I) had lived a life of great caution. Not letting anyone take advantage
And it was now clearly a life wasted. It was too disappointing to think of. Too much to take.
I said to me, out of jealousy and spite, sister I have to kill you. Remember what the sprite had said?
To which I said, Yes of course, go ahead. I've lived a good one. :)

So I killed me. And here I am.

Tum

Akele raaston se guzre, kabhi na maana ki tum the
Tum saath hote, hanste gaate, tabhi na maana ki tum the
Logon ne kaha, aetbaar karle. Dekho sabhi ne jaana ki tum the.

Ab raastein hai, khanabadoshi nahin
Mehfilein hai, muztar rehta hai dil
Ab hum sabse kehte phirte hai...

Ki tum ho, tum ho, tum ho.

An ode to Haikus

I love Haikus.

First of all, the name itself. Look at it! --> #Haiku. Rolls off your tongue in a rush. How captivating!

Writing is so often like sculpting.  It starts as a mere wisp of an idea. A word you read, maybe. Something you said to your best friend. Or something that the coffee dregs in your mug looked like today. Anything. It takes hold then; slowly mutating in your mind's recesses into something beautiful. Or ugly. Or grey. Or plastic. Anything you want it to be. That's the fun, isn't it? It expands, taking on this amorphous life of its own.

Like you, I've often penned my thoughts in prose, verse, staccato sentences. Then stood back to look at it with tilted head. Like a sculptor would, or a painter. More like a sculptor though. That's what you do with your words. With a #haiku. You gently coax them into behaving under your fingers. A little pressure here, smooth it out there. Or if it's stone, you chisel at them  Shape here, crude and hoarse there. It's yours. It's also completely his who reads. Or hers. Or its. Everyone's and noone's.

I talk like I'm a sculptor. I've never held clay in my hand, or stone to chip away at. But I have sculpted. For you.

Crossroads
I've waited for him
Here, at the crossroads of life
For centuries now
Mephistopheles
The gravel under my feet
Now is an hourglass.

The waif
Alone she sat there
On the top of the mountain,
Seeing the shepherds
Whistle tunes of joy
As they headed home at dusk.
And darkness took her

The red pill
In the dark he waits
Watching his thoughts take root and
A forest is born.

Alone she wandered
In the woods not knowing why.
But knowing she should.

Until she met him.
The white knight who smiled & said
"Are you ready, Alice?"

In her destiny
Was to wander forever
His forest of thoughts

The wraith

This wraith, this wraith of a girl...
So ethereal I am scared sometimes,
Of the unforgiving world around her.
And just then, she reminds me,
Just how strong she is...
How unrelentingly loving.
And then I fold myself within her...

Dedicated to my Nazia Hussain. She of the smile that can light up the corners of your heart...

Welcome, FDI

Sometimes, people need help. If you get into trouble with the law, you need a good criminal lawyer. If you are being stalked or blackmailed, you need a good gun. If you need a new identity, you need Jakka bhai (?!).

But I need none of this!!! What I need is:

White formal shirt (1 units)

Specs:

bright white

form-fitting

medium length

chinese collar

with pintucks preferably

half sleeves

Why is that so FRIGGING HARD to find in this city?! I don't care what FDI does to our inflation* but Walmart, if you don't get that one simple white shirt, you better pack your bags man [menacing].

*views/opinions subject to change on my next visit to the petrol bunk**
**might be topic of future blog post. I'm that touchy***
***this is a version of nested asterisks****
****I love doing this!!

The evolution of the FB status

All my Status Updates So Far:

Tue December 15, 2009, 8:54 pm: Oh. Let me introduce you to 'none of your business.' :)

Sun December 13, 2009, 7:54 pm: For men may come and men may go... But I go on for ever. [:D]

Sun December 13, 2009, 2:46 am: OK. It just turns out I might be a liiiittle bit possessive. And insecure. Just a little bit. Nothing to worry about. Everything's dandy. Everything's fine. I'm OK. [grin]

Fri December 11, 2009, 11:40 pm: What if I lose my voice today, and the carols come out all weird? What if I bungle it up and everyone glares at me?!

Thu December 10, 2009, 8:43 am: Who IRONS their jeans, for God's sake? Geek!!

Wed December 9, 2009, 10:41 am: Oh no! They're showing P.S. I love you again. Here come the waterworks... Sniff.

Wed December 9, 2009, 2:01 am: Home sick :(

Mon December 7, 2009, 10:21 am: A. B. C. D. E. F. G. H. I. J. K. L. M. N. O... NO! So again, which part of N. O. didn't you get?

Sun December 6, 2009, 7:48 pm: Dear God. Just because I had a great Friday evening, please don't make my weekends completely activityless. Next weekend, I'd like the fun spread out over the 3 days. Also, I don't know which neighbors you're talking about. I must have missed the memo. So until I hear from you, I am going to continue not loving them. Thank you. PS: Thanks for making India #1 in cricket or something. The menfolk seem to love it. :)

Sun December 6, 2009, 12:09 am: They immobilized my Hyderabad.

Sat December 5, 2009, 12:05 am: Pyaar - impossible, impossible. Impossible hai pyaar...

Fri December 4, 2009, 12:45 pm: coriandar martinis and yellow tangerines...

Thu December 3, 2009, 11:21 am: In English.

Mon November 30, 2009, 11:41 pm: I get the fields, he gets the sea...

Sun November 29, 2009, 1:35 am: At long last, I go to meet the sea...

Wed November 25, 2009, 3:22 am: On my mind? AdWord Cullen.

Tue November 24, 2009, 11:52 am: Together, we'll run through every little bylane, we'll peep into every little corner, turn all stones, peer into dusty shadows... And we'll find it. We always do.

Thu November 12, 2009, 7:50 pm: Close your eyes, take a deep breath, open your eyes, stare into the face of a Freaky Friday. And say 'Bring it!'

Sun November 8, 2009, 1:52 am: Sundays are for hot baths.

Mon November 2, 2009, 9:15 pm: Ajab prem ki ghazab kahani...

Sun November 1, 2009, 9:23 pm: Happy Birthday, Mr. Khan

Sun October 25, 2009, 7:40 am: I <3>

Sat October 24, 2009, 9:59 am: A watched inbox never gets mail.

Sun October 18, 2009, 5:49 am: Everyone in the theater has decided to pool together the 50 million dollars the cast of Blue needs. Then we can all go home and live our lives unsullied. I think.

Thu October 15, 2009, 2:11 am: Mom is glad the Hippo is gone...

Mon October 12, 2009, 2:43 am: Confession: Forgive me Versace, coz I have sinned. For the past two weeks, I've been ferreting out pink clothes, purple clothes, white clothes with pink/purple, black clothes with pink/purple, grey clothes with pink/purple. Just so I can wear my pink and gold joothis! [Sob!]. So help me, Gucci.

Thu October 8, 2009, 9:41 pm: Dusting all hearts off my sleeve.

Wed October 7, 2009, 7:42 am: Tere bina zindagi se koi shikwa tho nahi...

Sat October 3, 2009, 5:15 am: Nature's fury... :(

Fri October 2, 2009, 2:05 pm: Yes, I'm in a relationship. And yes, it's complicated. Because every relationship is. :)

Wed September 30, 2009, 6:56 am: See if I care...

Tue September 29, 2009, 11:32 am: Dakota Fanning is Jane in the 'New Moon'!

Thu September 24, 2009, 3:37 am: But I swear in the days still left, we'll walk in fields of gold...

Tue September 22, 2009, 10:26 am: Battle of the 'X'es...

Mon September 21, 2009, 8:03 pm: For you, a thousand times over...

Mon September 21, 2009, 6:09 am: Back!

Tue September 15, 2009, 11:47 am: Scrabble cheaters, go to @#$%! $%^&#

Tue September 15, 2009, 1:02 am: Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance... I hope you dance.

Sun September 13, 2009, 11:53 pm: 'Cause you're hot then you're cold, You're yes then you're no. You're in then you're out, You're up then you're down. You're wrong when it's right, It's black then it's white. We fight, we break up, We kiss, we make up...

Mon September 7, 2009, 1:54 pm: Stupid scrabble cheaters!! %#$&*!

Mon September 7, 2009, 11:16 am: Is FB acting funny for everyone? It's stuck in a time warp for me...

Fri September 4, 2009, 7:17 am: There will always be choices; you'll always have options. There will be reason and rationale. And you will have to choose. The day you choose, that moment, you will be known by your choice.

Fri September 4, 2009, 2:51 am: I fear the day I'll have nothing to say.

Tue August 18, 2009, 9:19 am: I miss the moon.

Sun August 16, 2009, 11:41 pm: And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays...

Thu August 13, 2009, 8:51 pm: Aaja Aaja Dil Nichode, Raat Ki Mataki Tode Koyi Good Luck Nikaale, Aaj Gullak Toh Phode...

Thu August 6, 2009, 11:12 pm: and we twist...

Wed August 5, 2009, 9:23 pm: Woh jahaan door jisse gaye the nikal...

Mon August 3, 2009, 10:47 pm: shards of insanity dripping with the potion of numbness...

Sun August 2, 2009, 8:10 pm: I don't know if I will win, but I know I will fight.

Sun August 2, 2009, 10:14 am: Rakhi Sawant wants a 'kaadi'gram...

Fri July 31, 2009, 11:23 am: wayward wisps of sunshine...

Thu July 30, 2009, 12:48 pm: voiceless sounds of varied timbre...

Wed July 29, 2009, 8:20 pm: It's not over tonight...

Mon July 27, 2009, 5:03 am: Tell him what was wrong, I sometimes think too much, But say nothing at all. And tell him from this high terrain, I am ready now to fall...

Mon July 27, 2009, 4:39 am: Options

Sun July 26, 2009, 9:04 pm: Do you really honestly think, I will sigh one day, take your hand, look deep into your eyes, and say 'I love you for your DVD collection?' <-- [I think this one's my favorite]

Fri July 24, 2009, 12:18 pm: work...

Mon July 6, 2009, 10:24 pm: What a weekend! Phew!!...

Sun July 5, 2009, 4:19 am: Banjara hills police station! <-- [Not again!]

Wed July 1, 2009, 7:33 pm: I liked New York. Go watch it!

Tue June 23, 2009, 4:25 am: You're caught in a one way street With the monsters in your head...

Sat June 20, 2009, 1:36 am: Horrible weekend so far. Monday, please save me. At least I won't be able to make trouble for myself. Sigh.

Wed June 17, 2009, 7:33 pm: Bleary eyed, weary boned...

Tue June 16, 2009, 9:05 pm: My sister and I stormed a boys hostel at 11 pm yesterday and gave them a lecture on eve-teasing (to NOT do it...sheesh)! Hell yeah!

Tue June 16, 2009, 8:57 am: How is it that after 7 YEARS of knowing someone, you miss them after 7 minutes of staying apart?

Mon June 15, 2009, 11:44 pm: Lost my phone and found it again. I'd like to thank everyone for their support. :)

Sun June 14, 2009, 7:49 pm: Monday, bring it on!

Sat June 13, 2009, 1:46 pm: Sleepless on Saturday...

Fri June 12, 2009, 4:27 am: Can I be assured that no more work will descend on me now - 5 o' clock on a Friday evening?

Thu June 11, 2009, 7:17 pm: early morning class :(

Thu June 11, 2009, 6:09 am: downwards and spiralling...

Tue June 9, 2009, 5:45 am: I wish Shakil was Spiderman. I am so fed up of the traffic in Hyderabad! :(

Mon June 8, 2009, 12:26 pm: I was just winning a game of Scrabble! By a mile! And the woman force-forfeited!! WTF!!!!!

Sun May 31, 2009, 9:52 pm: BING has not helped me make a decision! :P

Sun May 31, 2009, 9:49 pm: BING is up! :O

Sun May 31, 2009, 9:13 pm: Too many 'Pistha' posters around the city. Vishal's abs are seriously distracting.

Sat May 30, 2009, 2:33 pm: wide awake

Thu May 28, 2009, 8:21 pm: Thus ends the month...

Mon May 25, 2009, 8:25 pm: is disillusioned.

Sun May 24, 2009, 9:48 pm: I did NOT shop this weekend! <-- [This is not true]

Sat May 23, 2009, 4:16 am: Saturday, will you wait?

Fri May 22, 2009, 1:53 am: Your voice is the splinter inside me...

Wed May 20, 2009, 2:21 am: blankity :P

Mon May 18, 2009, 1:04 am: Has anyone ever tried to find out if Monday has 19 hours instead of 24?

Fri May 8, 2009, 4:04 am: OMG I am a pushover?! I can't be! God, give me the 'evil'ity...

Wed May 6, 2009, 11:23 am: drum dee drum...

Mon April 27, 2009, 8:39 am: Several withdrawal symptoms - Need lemonade at ungodly hours, need to discuss homosexuality prejudices, need 48 degree weather, and need to play Taboo!

Mon April 27, 2009, 8:35 am: is missing MICA :(

Sat October 11, 2008, 8:42 am: is going to blog and blog...

Thu October 2, 2008, 12:55 am: : "Jaane kyon dil jaanta hai,... tu hai tho, I'll be alright, I'll be alright"

Wed October 1, 2008, 11:13 pm: is not in jail <-- [Please to be noted]

Wed October 1, 2008, 4:48 am: is in jail.

Sun September 21, 2008, 10:04 am: is cleaning out her closet...

Thu September 18, 2008, 8:05 pm: is watching morning life in the city go by...

Thu September 18, 2008, 2:59 am: is ruminating

Wed September 17, 2008, 10:41 pm: is hungry and wants to have daal baati churma

Tue September 16, 2008, 3:14 am: is furious at having been asked to go barefoot for a fire drill! My shoes, my beautiful beautiful shoes...

Tue September 16, 2008, 1:39 am: loves Malpua!

Sat September 13, 2008, 12:38 pm: is wondering ...

Thu September 11, 2008, 10:07 pm: is wondering why people on FB are voting her 'Best potential MOTHER.' Really!!!

Thu September 11, 2008, 9:44 pm: wishes the cool night breeze dried the tears...

Wed September 10, 2008, 3:23 am: is still thinking of Mr. Akhtar...

Tue September 9, 2008, 9:24 am: is sad, very sad...

Sun September 7, 2008, 10:12 am: is tired after a hectic day of house-hunting in Bengaluru

Sat September 6, 2008, 12:27 am: is blogging!

LOL

OK...

The other day, normal hour of the day. Usual people, plain conversation. Someone says something funny. Sometimes, people do.

I want to laugh. So I throw my head back, and I LOL! No no. No no. I don't laugh out loud. I throw back my head and I say 'LOL!' Damn you, social networks and instant messaging!

Ten minutes

Ten minutes. I have ten minutes before S picks me up for lunch. I've had a mad morning of back-to-back meetings already. I have a mad rush of meetings after lunch also. 

10 minutes for myself out of 960 waking minutes? That's 1.04%! The rest a flurry of pulsating relationships and a blur of demanding work. 

You do the math. 

In my last meeting, something very different happened. Someone asked me to draw three circles - one representing my work, one representing my relationships, and one representing myself. Guess which was smallest?

So my mantra now is: Expand the circle.. 

Fire in the mountain.....

Today, we had a fire drill at office. We were warned about this starting a week ago. We were calendared for it. We were sent reminder emails. It was all very realistic. 

Dutifully, your's truly locked computer, tossed hair back and proceeded to nearest fire exit (well almost! How was I supposed to see the fire exit behind me?! Really!). Little did I know that I was to be brought so close to the realities of life. 

Our Emergency Response Team told me to take off my shoes and proceed. Fair enough. Which was OK until I started going down the staircase. That was when I noticed that I was amongst the minority. Ladies with beautiful platform heels, stilettos, clump heels sashayed down the staircase. Which was still fine - I am amongst the few who really know the importance of a fire drill. [continues to troop downstairs whilst keeping away from assorted debris on floor].

OK OK. This can't be happening. I am the ONLY ONE with no shoes. Really, Emergency Response Team!! 

Sigh. So it happens that I prance barefoot on the gravel, avoid curious stares at my feet, and literally crane my neck to see the fire safety demonstration that OTHERS WEARING HEELS ARE COMFORTABLY WATCHING!!! (with their 'elevated' status).

And that is when the epiphany happened. That is when it suddenly became clear as James Bond's martini to me. I knew what was important in life (and in case of emergency fire drills).

When I am in a life & death situation * (the asterisks mean a footnote. If I have to tell you this one more time...), I want to save the most valuable thing - my shoes!!

When I am wearing my shoes...

 -- I can walk, I assure you! That is partly the reason I BOUGHT them.

 -- About the heels and stepping on toes bit, 1) Other people are wearing heels too! My naked feet just leave me more vulnerable 2) Stepping on other people's toes is quite the norm. (Ask any corporate salaried person) Also, quite a few men/husbands/boyfriends are used to this 'heel' treatment.

-- I am more confident in my heels. I can therefore assist more people getting them out of the fire. [Really, would you accept help from someone who is NOT wearing shoes when the floor is as hot as a cat's bum?]

See?

I love you, shoes.

PS: The same event has been described in my friend Nachi's blog. Please read & see a different treatise on the same event. How do you do it, Nach? 

Footnote:

* Why do they call it life AND death situation? It can't be both, can it? 

LOL!! (All ye Facebookians!)

I don't mind if I have to waste a post for this. This is just 'check-it-out-right-now' funny!!!

http://www.cracked.com/blog/2008/09/10/the-10-commandments-of-facebook/

Thanks, Mathew, for this amazing site :)